found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you had me at cake vodka
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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