im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Someone signed my nipple.
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