Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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