no, he came in my armpit
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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