haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
