I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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