I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
