So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
