you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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