shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
