When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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