First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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