Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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