when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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