Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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