when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
