If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
