you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
