That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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