i can't believe i had my finger in that
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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