WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
