Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
