Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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