I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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