OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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