The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
