umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
