I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
