Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
