Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
