Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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