My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
