his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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