Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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