who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
