Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
