it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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