so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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