What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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