He uses pillows to masturbate.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
