I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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