you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Randomize
