Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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