I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
