It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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