dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
