He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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