I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
