Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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