do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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