Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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