meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
