I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
