# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I touched a dick in church today
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
