Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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