I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
