I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
