Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
