We're facebook friends in real life
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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