grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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