Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
