There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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