Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
