FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
