Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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