i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
