Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I cockslap morals
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
