you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
