I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
