What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
