My hair reeks of homosexuality.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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