We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
