I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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